I am finding it difficult to embrace how time is working for me right now. There are 2 levels I’m experiencing. A steady pace of getting-things-done, interspersed with a much slower pace, a kind of timeless suspension which I find myself immersed in when grappling with moments of deep reflection. Sometime I just ‘freeze’, do nothing for minutes or hours sometimes, sitting, staring into space or clicking on links online just to pass the time. I know it is linked to my childhood coping mechanism, which I learned about from recent counselling. Having the time to sit with these ‘frozen’ moments has enabled the ‘thawing’ process to occur, when I can begin a dialogue with myself about why I am in that state (usually panic, fear, anxiety). I can then gently and compassionately pull myself through with reassurances and addressing my feelings and needs at that moment.
I am having a lot of these…. Being still in a time of transition can be beneficial if approached with tools that are enabling, rather than my usual tools of biscuits and red wine J I am sitting with these moments in a very patient and compassionate way now, using tools such as the NVC dance http://www.cnvc.org and the philosophy of my Buddhist practice . I came across a couple of quotes by Carl Jung that touched me. I have not read his work but am familiar with it through friends who have studied him. I like how he talks about the dark. I experience a lot of ‘darkness’ – through my depression, my ‘frozen’ moments and also transmitted through some of my work. I am looking for a good book by Carl Jung to begin reading, so please make suggestions 🙂
Each day I’m amazed at how the sunlight and mild weather continues. The lighter paint colour draws more natural light into the studio too. Plans for a glass panel in the door will enhance this further. until then I’ll be using a daylight bulb on cloudy days. Painting now complete, I now have to wait for the flooring to be fitted.
Loving the decaying nature of the Autumn months falling all around me, I decided to photograph the metal decay on the shelving unit from the old shed. I wanted to find the beauty in the rust, so captured some shots and edited through VSCOcam and instagram. I could see this turning into a huge project with translations into paint, fabric, glazes…..oh the possibilities! Using Instagram to showcase my photos is just one way I am maintaining a creative outlet.
I attended 2 drawing events this week. Meet-up life drawing with Amsterdam International Life Drawing Society. I found maintaining a balanced proportion of the figure very difficult and then the added challenge of foreshortening did not help! I do enjoy the effects of the strong spot lighting.
Friday night I visited a drawing event that was part of ADE and organised by The Open Draw a space that’s run twice a month that encourages everyone and anyone to come and have a go at drawing or doodling. No models, no set instructions (although a theme or idea is shared sometimes). I found the organisers so warm and friendly! There was a DJ at the event and those of us at the doodle table could draw what we wanted or draw something in response to the music. Which is what I did. it was lovely to just make marks in an abstract way. I love the discipline of life drawing, yet sometimes I forget how fun doodling and random marking making can be. There was a table full of drawing equipment including pastels, water colours and ink. My colouring materials are still packed away so I immediately just went for some colour which was refreshing to use. Here are my three interpretations of the House music played by the DJ that evening.
That night was a nice mellow introduction for me to ADE week. I was baptized win thetemple of Techno the following night when I attended Scwumn meets Incognito – the music, lightshow, projections were absolutely amazing!!! http://instagram.com/p/uUahPjvI60/ I need more of this music! What I love so much about instrumental sounds like Techo, Dubstep etc. is not just the amazing heavy sounds, but also the fact that the music is a backdrop for everyone. I hear some music that I love in other genres, but I choke on the lyrics. Like this I recently heard by Mykki Blanco. The opening few minutes are mind-thumpingly good to me – and then he starts to say his lyrics and I cringe. I’m hearing repeatedly ‘nigger’ ‘fucked ya bitch’ etc. and my heart sinks. I try to ignore the words and sentiment, but its difficult to appreciate the awesome sounds when my heart is uncomfortable. Old age I guess! I hope he releases an instrumental version soon. Or maybe there’s a way I can filter out his voice……..